Chair Reupholstering Anti-Tutorial

I reupholstered a chair. Isn't it cute?

Want to know a secret?

It wasn't easy.

IT. SUCKED.

Big time.

This was a multiple bottle of wine project.

I'm not going post a tutorial because there are a few really, really great ones already out there and if you follow them, you will probably have a delightful reupholstering experience. (This one from Little Green Notebook is uh-maze-ing.)

But, I do want to add this: If you'd like to have a blood-free, pain-free, Alcoholics Anonymous-free experience, please take heed to the following nuggets of wisdom:

Befo' - Ugly Alert!

During Original Chair Deconstruction
1. When using makeshift instruments to pry out the original eleventy bajillion teeny staples already in the chair, do not stab yourself in the hand with a flat-head screwdriver. And definitely don't do it twice.

2. Don't just cut away the fabric, pull out the staples. Cutting the fabric will give you an inaccurate pattern for cutting the new fabric. And you will cut a new piece too small. And you will cry. Because upholstery fabric is expensive. And you ruined a huge piece. Because it doesn't fit.

During Painting
1. Don't ask your 10-year-old neice to help you paint if you care about brush strokes. Or drips. Or spilled paint. Or ruined paintbrushes. Or maintaining your sanity.

2. Don't paint only the parts of the chair you think people will be able to see. Paint the whole thing. Or SOMEONE will see the tiny half-inch square of primered, unpainted wood on the underside of one of the feet and tell you that you "missed a spot."

Extreme Close Up

During Sewing
1. Don't do it yourself if your sewing skills are exclusively the result of your 8th grade Home Economics class when you spent 6 months trying to sew a scrunchie.

2. Don't hot glue new fabric to old upholstery buttons. It works, but it's lumpy. My buttons look like they have elephantitis.  

3. Avoid this: Measure how much piping you will need for the chair. Then measure it again using a different tape measure. Then measure it again. Then make a foot more than that. Then still be short several inches of piping. Then throw a temper tantrum. Then drink several beers. Then care less about it the lack of piping. Then say "I'm sure no one will notice," and attach it anyway. Then pass out go to bed. Then wake up in the morning and rip the piping off and cry a little. Then start over.

During Reassembly
1. Don't use a manual staple gun. They are great when you need to insert 2 staples - they are the devil if you need to insert 150 thousand staples. If you do use a manual gun, this will happen - after your hands seize up for a while and then return to normal, you will still get sporadic hand craps randomly for the next few days, making it impossible to apply lip gloss, send text messages or change the channel on the TV. I almost blinded myself putting my contact lenses in. And no one thinks eye patches are sexy.

I hope that these little life lessons will assist you if you ever decide to tackle a project like this.

Me? I'm hoping this little project will serve as a reminder to never again reupholster something, in the case that I have a mental breakdown and say, "Hmm, this item of furniture would be awesome in another color/fabric/pattern."

Then can reflect on my adorable chair and my carpal tunnel and multiple hand scars.

And step away from the staple gun.

Far, far away.

I have a post on this mirror coming soon

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