Candy Pumpkins (or My Very Own Diabetic Coma)

Candy pumpkins are hands down my favorite candy. Year round, I would pick them over anything else. I found a bag of them while shopping after I visited my local SA.

Wait... what? You don't know what in the world I am talking about? Candy pumpkins say whaaa...?

Solid, waxy sugar balls shaped like pumpkins with blotches of green on top resembling stems?

They basically taste like giant candy corn?

You know... the only things you can find on November 1st when you are scoping out Walgreens for clearance Halloween snickers and peanut butter cups?

THESE!!

This isn't my photo, I found it on the interwebs. I may or may not have eaten  most of my pumpkins on the way back to work. Don't judge me. 

So, that leads me to my question: Have you started thinking about your fall decorating?

I mean, I haven't... because that would be lame, right? To start planning crafts and decor based on autumn? Come on... it's still AUGUST. Ha ha!! I'm not that crazy.

I definitely didn't repaint my living room in shades of brown because I know that the fall oranges and greens will complement it well.

I am totally  not scoping out tutorials on the interwebs on how to make envelope pillowcases and buying awesome fabric like this:

www.fabric.com

There's no way I pre-ordered a copy of Matthew Mead's Autumn decorating book.

I'm totally not freaking out at yard sales when I find sets of ceramic pumpkins for $1.

I wouldn't dream of ordering this awesome table runner for my dining room.

It would be ridiculous for me to start pricing hay bales for my front porch.

So, ha ha, totally, I know, right?? People who start planning for the seasons/holidays months in advance are totally nutso. I'm glad I'm not one.

And, I'm definitely not already thinking about decorating for Christmas. Because that would just be nuts.

The Desk That Wasn't (or How I Almost Got Into a Fistfight with Some Hairy Woman at the Salvation Army)

So, I know I shouldn't be irritated right now, but wouldn't you be? I'm sorry... do you have a minute? I don't mean to hijack your blog reading time, but listen to this shizz:

I went to the Salvation Army on Monday around 2:00 because I'm looking for a table of sorts to refinish for my new living room (more on that in another post soon.) And I found an awesome desk/table I really liked but they wanted $50.

Note: I'm new to blogging so this whole "take a photo of anything you even think you might want to possibly think about again later" kind of thing is not ingrained in my brain yet. So, I drew a photo for you. I think it's a pretty accurate likeness.

The legs may have been proportional... I'm not really sure. 

Now, unless I'm in a thrift store shopping for a vintage VW Beetle or a first edition signed NKOTB CD [if you knew that acronym before the recent tour, I super heart you and we are now instant friends], $50 is too much money to be forking over for one item. So, I passed on the desk and noted that it would be marked down the following week. And I left, got a taco and went back to work.

BIG MISTAKE. (Both leaving the desk and getting the taco... later that night I had big time regrets of doing both.)

That desk has been plaguing me. I was dreaming about sanding and stripping the thing and was treasuring the decision as to if I should stain or paint. I may have even muttered something about "polyurethane" in my sleep. So, I decided to bite the bullet and pay the 50 bucks.

I went back today at noon (less than 48 hours later) and there is no tag on the desk anymore, but it's still sitting there. So, I'm perplexed. And there is a similar piece (an end table) and its tag has been slyly moved to another location. So, now I'm thinking someone is being sheisty and hiding tags so no one else can buy it. I looked for the tag on other furniture to no avail. I even checked inside drawers and doors on the crap surrounding my desk. So, I had no choice but to ask someone what was up.

The fact that the tag was gone apparently means (according to the super bizz-natch SA employee who I apparently bothered significantly with my question - and thereby interrupting her conversation with another employee about how her little Bobby was getting ready to start 3rd grade... again) someone bought it and hadn't picked it up yet. Now, I wanted to call shenanigans on that because every other piece of furniture had a "sold" sign on it to indicate that it had been purchased, but decided I wasn't wasting my breath arguing with a snotty SA lady with a full on goatee and and a red vest covered in cat hair.

She looked exactly like this... but she had fuller sideburns.

But, I'm a little irritated. I'm about 50% irritated with the lameness of SA employees and 30% irritated that they had the gall to charge $50 for an old, cracked desk with a stuck drawer and 15% irritated that someone else actually paid $50 for it and like 5% irritated that I didn't just buy the damn thing on Monday...

But then again, I saved myself $50.

And I don't have a goatee.

So I guess I can't complain too much.

Chopstick Sunburst Mirror Tutorial

EVERYONE has a sunburst mirror in her living room, right? I keep seeing all of these snazzy tutorials for huge, amazing mirrors made from wood shims and other moderately scary items. Of course I think - "UM, HELLO? I can TOTALLY do that. And there is a whole garage full of tools and stuff at my disposal. I'm MAKING one!!" But, when I asked my boyfriend where we kept the "saw thinger," he immediately put the kibosh on my plans to take up woodworking since I am notorious for injuring myself from ridiculous accidents. (No joke - I'm currently recovering from a broken leg/ankle and foot that I sustained while walking. WALKING!)

So, I skipped the saw thingers and fell back on my trusty glue gun. Of course, I'm not sure that I can glue wood shims, so I needed to think of something similar to the shape of a shim, made of wood, small and cheap. Then I had a brainstorm.

Don't laugh.

I used chopsticks.

You know the chopsticks that are stuck together and you have to break them apart before you can use them to nom your sushi and subsequently get splinters?

Yeah, I used them. And bamboo skewers.

And came up with this rad mirror that I'm going to hang in my living room as soon as the paint is completely dry. (We redid the living room this weekend - which is another nightmare for another time.)

$3.69 Sunburst Mirror (or "Honey, Do You Think The Dog Is Acting Strangely?")


Ingredients:
Chopsticks (FREE from my local sushi place since they love me there... wish I could get free sushi too. I still don't understand how raw fish can be so expensive. I can get a can of tuna for 50 cents... and they cook that!)
Bamboo Skewers (99 cents from grocery store)
Round mirror ($1 from The Dollar Tree)
Wooden Circle Thing ($1.69 - AC Moore, without a coupon!)

Additional Ingredients:
(Note: I had this stuff on hand, as I am a packrat. This project would cost you a little more if you had to buy this stuff.)
Hot glue and glue gun
Gorilla Glue (not pictured)
Marker
Cardboard
Spray paint (not pictured)

Steps:

Step 1. I traced the mirror onto the cardboard so I had something to glue the sticks to.

Step 2. I cut the circle out.

Step 3. I placed the chopsticks in a + pattern and glued them down. I didn't separate them since I liked the wider tops and narrower bottoms.

Step 4. Then I glued some more.

Step 5. More gluing.

Step 6. Guess what?? More gluing!! Because the spaces for the skewers get pushed further out as I glued more in, it created a natural "sunburst" shape. And I didn't even have to measure anything!

Step 7. Added the skewers. I put them in pointy side in and they fit perfectly in the spaces between the chopsticks. 

Then it looks like this!

I didn't get a photo of this next step but I decided to use Gorilla Glue to affix the wooden disc to the sunburst. Then I let it sit overnight. Then it was time to spray paint.

THIS is where my stoned dog comes in.

I was SO EXCITED to get this done and it was raining outside on Friday morning.

Did I read the can of spray paint where it says to use it in a well ventilated area? Yes.

Did I listen? No.

I'm a rebel. And, I knew I could survive for a few minutes in a stinky house without losing too many brain cells.

I grabbed a plastic tarp and put it on my living room floor.

And sprayed the crap out of my mirror.

Like, a lot.

Then I turned on the ceiling fans and left for work.... and forgot about the dog.

When I got home, my house smelled like a Krylon factory. Apparently, since I didn't open the windows, all turning the fans on did was spread the smell around my house.

I went into the bedroom where the dog was (because that's where the AC is) and found her laying in her bed with a glassy look in her eyes. She jumped right up when I got home and we went outside for some fresh air and she looked much better after a few minutes. I, of course, felt horrible for days and kept making her go through her tricks (sit, down, high five, etc...) to make sure I hadn't destroyed all of her brain cells.

ANYWAY, after I rescued the dog from spray paint hell, I affixed the mirror to the wooden shell with some hot glue and the end result is this lovely specimen!!

With flash

Without flash

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Bronze Fruit Bowl Filler Tutorial

So, last week I found this GORGEOUS bowl at HomeGoods. The sticker says it was handcrafted in Italy, but it was only like $12, so that sticker is probably a liar, liar, pants on fire. Either way, it's lovely and I don't care if it was made in Hoboken - I'm going to decorate with it. 

Pretty!!!

There! All done! 

No, wait... something's missing. I can't put my finger on it.... 

OH! Something should go IN the bowl. Riiiiight. (Sometimes it just takes me a little longer.) 

Well, since I'm new to this whole interior decorating thing, the first thing that comes to mind when I think "bowl on a table" is "filled with fruit." You know, the stuff glorious still life paintings are made of. 

But, I'm a very matchy-matchy kind of person and a bowl of multi-colored fruit does not go with the whole brown and aqua theme I'm so desperately trying to bring together in the living room. 

So, I need something brown.

And fruit-like. 

And according to every blog I follow now, you can spray paint damn near anything so... 

Without further ado, my tutorial on bronze fruit. 

Apples anyone?

I started with fake apples I found at the dollar store. They had a ton of other fruit too, but I wasn't sure this was even going to work so I just stuck with apples.

Mmm.

I love the tag - "Realistic Fruit." It does look pretty real, doesn't it? 

I also snagged some bamboo skewers - 100 skewers for 99 cents. That's less than a penny per skewer! I'm a shrewd shopper.  

Add caption

 Then I poked a skewer through the bottom of the apple.

If this was covered in caramel, I'd eat it.


Then, I spray painted! I used a rubbed oil bronze spray paint so that I'd get that metal-look finish. 

Then I stuck them in the ground to dry.

After they dried (only used one coat!) I sprayed them with a protecting spray and they looked like this:

And, when they were completely dry, I stuck them in my bowl!

Neat, huh?

And this is my first attempt at staging, so... How'd I do??

No, I don't normally keep bowls of fake fruit on the couch. 

I'm linking to:

Pimp My Living Room

I hate my living room. I'm going to tell you about it.

Picture this: Sicily, 1947. Oh, wait... that's not right.

Picture this: a large monstrosity of a room with the following crimes against humanity -
1. Huge, crumbly fireplace with a horrible fake gold-plated fireplace cover.

Was gold plating EVER in style?

2. A large bay window without a seat (what are those called anyway? Just a window with the ledge?)
3. Ancient French doors leading to the dining room
4. Two ceiling fans that I think used to belong to Jesus

5. One of the short walls is covered in four large mirrors that go from the chair rail to the ceiling. (I can't make this stuff up, people.)

The bane of my existence 

6. Laminate floors - not a total nightmare but not installed very well.

Other horrors:
Pink wallpaper below the chair rail with a pattern that from far away resembles a man with a large nose and a feathered hat. (NOTE: After I started to tear the wallpaper down I realized that it was actually hung UPSIDE DOWN! God, help me, I almost completely lost it.)
Popcorn textured ceilings - I don't know if the previous painters ran out of paint or just decided to go with the "unfinished look," but there are several patches that are simply not painted.
The pinch pleated curtains on the traverse rod (no valance or other decor considerations) are Swedish Fish red, 15 years old and have never been cleaned. Ever.

UGH!!!

So, logistically, the cheapest thing to do put a lit candle next to a can of gas and go out to dinner. Unfortunately, arson really isn't an option when you are renting - that luxury is exclusive to homeowners. So, with our non-existent budget in mind, this is what I've decided to do in a effort to make the room more "liveable."

1. The mirrors have to go. End of discussion.
2. Big nosed, cross-dresser wallpaper? Bye bye.
3. Walls and ceiling - painted. (I respect the previous painter's decision, but I'm going to go another route and paint the WHOLE ceiling.)
4. Ceiling fans? Unfortunately, we do not have central air (nor is it doable in the foreseeable future,) so ceiling fans are kind of a must have item unless we want a living room that doubles as a sauna. So, we're going to try to gussy them up as much as possible. (Do people still say that? Gussied up? Probably not.)
5. Fireplace cover - painted. I'm too cheap to buy a new one.
6. I already ordered new curtains. (It's ridiculous how excited I am to get them.)

I'm hoping that with all of these changes, we can have a room that doesn't inspire self-harm and/or taking a permanent vacation. I will be updating you with info on these items as they are accomplished... I'm sure you will all be awaiting the transformation with bated breath.

Ha ha.

Book Page Wreath

I fell in L-O-V-E with this wreath over at Lovely Crafty Home. Isn't it elegant looking? And using pages from books really added a little something extra, I think.

So, after I stopped drooling, I decided to try my hand at making these paper rosettes. I did change what I did a little from the tutorial.

1. Rachael specifically mentions in her tutorial to use a low temp glue gun. But, because I'm a rebel (and an idiot, apparently) I started out using a high temp hot glue gun because that is what I had. I then promptly burned the shizz out of my fingers. On the way to the ER, I stopped and picked up a low temp glue gun. (Just kidding about the ER. Not kidding about burning my fingers. Don't be a martyr or, as in my case, cheap - spend the $4 and get a low temp gun.)

2. When cutting the circles out of the layers of book pages, I cut some ovals and some more circular to get a little variety in the size/shape of some of the rosettes. Rachael's flowers are very uniform and gorgeous. I couldn't have gotten all of those flowers the same size if someone offered me a million dollars and a night with Kevin James. (Is he not the current Hollywood heartthrob? But he's funny and adorable and... Hey! Don't judge me!!)

3. I also varied the tightness of wrapping them, so some appear more "bloomed" than others. I was going for a more random conglomeration of flowers and think I did pretty well.

This is what I came up with!!

All in all, I'm happy with it. The wreath itself took about 5 hours to complete, but I watched train-wreck TV throughout most of it. (Train-wreck TV is made of shows that make me feel better about my life like Jersey Shore, Hoarders and My Strange Addiction - hey, I may not have it all together, but at least I don't eat drywall.)

I snagged some ribbon from JoAnn's (which is the only fabric place even semi-close to me... BUT A HOBBY LOBBY IS OPENING UP NEXT MONTH!!! I think I literally peed in my pants a little when I heard the news. As if I don't spend enough money on this crap as it is... But I digress) and added two coats of American Accents spray paint in aqua to an old frame I had. !Me gusta!

Close up of the rosettes

I may be biased, but I think they are ADORBS!


(Note: No, the wreath is not the only thing on my 8 foot mantle... anymore. I added a wooden ampersand that I spray painted brown. I used to have a photo of my dog up there, but it really annoyed my boyfriend.)

(Note 2: I love parentheses [in case you couldn't tell.])

Possible upcoming post title: "Why You Should Never Spray Paint In The House, or How I Almost Killed My Dog"


Linking to:

Not JUST A Housewife